After Prostate Cancer: Grief, Love, and an Unexpected Second Chance
Larry, 70
“In 2013, a routine PSA test quietly divided my life into two chapters: before and after. My numbers were higher than normal. Not alarming enough for immediate surgery, but high enough to begin what doctors call active surveillance. For the next few years, I lived between appointments — blood tests, biopsies, waiting rooms. Waiting became part of the rhythm of life. Eventually, the decision was clear: my prostate needed to be removed. At the time, the emotional weight of that decision didn’t land the way it might for other men. I was caring for my disabled wife. Intimacy had long since been replaced by caregiving. My role was husband, nurse, advocate. Sexual function felt like a distant concern. Survival and stability were what mattered.”
“The surgery in 2016 was successful. Cancer gone. But as many men discover, survival can come with consequences. My doctors emphasized the importance of penile rehabilitation — maintaining blood flow to preserve tissue health after surgery. They sent me home with a vacuum erection device. I listened politely, nodded at the instructions, and placed it in a drawer. What was the point? I wasn’t living a life where it mattered.
Then in 2020, everything changed. My wife passed away. Grief rearranges you. It narrows the world, then slowly — sometimes reluctantly — expands it again. I assumed that chapter of romance and physical intimacy had closed for good. I was 68 years old. I had survived cancer. I had buried my wife. Surely that was enough life for one man. Six months later, I met a woman slightly younger than me. I didn’t expect her. I didn’t plan for her. But she walked into my life with warmth, humor, and possibility. In 2021, we were married.
From the beginning, we were honest. I had severe erectile dysfunction following prostate surgery. There were no illusions and no promises of easy fixes. What we had instead was commitment. We tried everything. I was already taking Tadalafil. We pursued Shockwave therapy. We even tried combination injection therapy. We approached it not as a failure, but as a shared problem to solve. Still, nothing worked well enough. Which led me back to the device I had ignored years earlier. The vacuum pump.
If I’m being candid, I didn’t like it. Pumping itself was awkward, but applying the constriction ring afterward felt mechanical and unromantic. Worse, there was the very real risk of pulling my testicles into the cylinder — an experience that can only be described as memorably painful. For a while, that was enough to keep the device on the shelf. Then I discovered redesigned tension rings that prevented that problem entirely. It was a small innovation, but it changed everything. The process became simpler, more comfortable, more reliable. And reliability, after prostate surgery, is everything. For the first time since being married, we found something that worked.
Today, intimacy in our marriage doesn’t look like it did when I was 30 — and that’s okay. It’s intentional. It’s collaborative. Sometimes my wife will glance at me across the room and mouth, “Get the pump.” There’s humor in it now. Confidence. Anticipation.
At 70, I didn’t expect to rediscover desire — or to feel desired. Prostate cancer took something from me. Grief nearly convinced me that love belonged in my past. But recovery, I’ve learned, isn’t only about eliminating disease. It’s about reclaiming life — sometimes in unconventional ways.
Too many men suffer in silence after prostate surgery. We survive the cancer but quietly surrender intimacy, believing it’s gone for good. It isn’t. There are therapies. There are devices. There are partners willing to walk the road with us. And sometimes, second chances arrive long after we’ve stopped expecting them. Mine came with a wedding ring. And, yes — a pump.”
Two Weeks, A Learning Curve, and a Wife Who’s Ready
Steven, 55
“The VED device was very easy to use, especially after watching all your tutorial videos. Slowness and plenty of lube has made the 2 weeks of practice sessions more comfortable and offered a sense of confidence while using the VED device.”
“The initial use the first time was a learning curve, but positive when watching my penis start to return to what it once was before my prostatectomy surgery. I discovered that with both bushings in place, I had to remove the smaller one because I had achieved such good girth but was restricted by the smaller bushing. So, I removed the smaller bushing and created an erection again with just the large bushing but noticed the scrotum skin was being pulled into the tube now. I ordered the shield with the 1-inch hole which helped solve that issue.
I started with the beige A constriction ring as suggested in the manual but couldn’t maintain an erection suitable for intercourse. I then went to the pink B ring and that worked. I have not tried to have intercourse yet but my wife is on board and eager to try it.
Thank you again team Timm and Andy for all the support through this journey.”
Twenty Years and Still Going Strong
Gary, 80
“My wife and I enjoyed being intimate for over 40 years. Age decreased both physical hardness and my wife’s & my desire for less and less intimacy. But being a guy, I need, or I think I need intercourse at least several times a month. My wife is a trooper and, while not super happy about assisting me in satisfying my needs, was a satisfactory lover. Prostate Cancer then hit me. After robotic surgery, it was great to not have cancer. But I did end up with ED. Under my doctor’s supervision, I tried pills, shots, and nothing worked. My doctor suggested a pump.”
“So Timm Medical and I have been the best of Buddies for over 20 years. My next birthday will grace me with 80 years on this planet. My sexual activities have occupied 60 years of this run. I have worn out one manual pump, multiple rings, and decided to also purchase an electrical pump. I like the manual pump the best. I have had excellent online and personal phone contact with Timm Medical. I believe, even if I had not had cancer, I would still be using a pump, as my hardness was becoming a serious issue. Thank you for helping my feel like a Man.”
Twelve Years Cancer Free and Still Enjoying Intimacy
Mike, 68
“I am 68 years old. I had prostate cancer surgery 12 years ago and still cancer free now, 😊. Unfortunately after my surgery I was no longer able to get an erection. Viagra and Cialis didn’t help either. Talking to my Urologist/Doctor he recommended I check out a vacuum pump and we scheduled an appointment to meet with a Rep who could explain how it works etc.”
“I bought it and checking with my insurance company found out it was covered under insurance which was a nice bonus. I’ve been using it since. Obviously it’s not the same as getting a natural erection but it’s nice when using the pump to have something to work with and still enjoy the intimacy it provides. Like the saying goes, it way better than nothing 😀”
Not the End of the World
Ed
“It is not the end of the world after you have surgery for prostate cancer. Yes, things don’t work naturally — but the pump will let you and your significant other enjoy sex with just a little work. Timm’s pump was worth the purchase and still works well after almost 10 years.”